Subscribe to newsletter | Links

Follow mikethementor on Twitter
Subscribe to Mike the Mentor's free newsletter - and get 2 bonus articles "The Future of Leadership Coaching" and "Mentoring" available only to new subscribers.

* required

*

*





Social and Email Marketing by VerticalResponse

7 Classic Mistakes that Values Programmes Make
Affirmations
The Act of Will
Competing Commitments
Context - a powerful tool for change
Core Qualities
Covert Processes - the Hidden Forces that Prevent Change
The Creative Process
Creating Sustained Change - The Ideal Self 1
Creating Sustained Change - The Ideal Self 2
Desire and Addiction
Faulty Thinking and the ABC Model
From Know-How to Do-How
From Know-How to Do-How
Guilt is Good for You!
Hassleme!
The Miracle Question
Managing Progression and Regression
Psychosynthesis
Shifting Stuck Patterns
Single, Double, and Triple-Loop Change
Star Diagram / Personality Functions
Stages of Change
Working Identity
Traps - How We Delude Ourselves
Your First 100 Days

 

Guilt is Good for You!

Well, it can be. I have a client who always puts others first - and its ruining his life! He wants to value himself and feel self-confident - but whenever he puts his needs before those of his family, fiends or colleagues - or even thinks of so doing - he immediately feels guilty. So I suggested that he first accept that he will feel guilty when he puts himself first - and then choose to put himself first and feel the guilt anyway. Which is fine as far as it goes - but it's a difficult instruction to follow. No one finds it easy to choose uncomfortable or painful feelings which you may have spent a lifetime trying to avoid.

So here's the reframe we found which changes the guilt from an enemy to an ally. When he feels the guilt, this is a clear indicator that he is putting himself first - so the more guilt he feels, the more he is achieving his goal! By choosing to hold this way of experiencing his guilt as information rather than emotional state he has been able change his behaviour and then his self-image. And in doing this, the guilt is gradually dissolving in the light of his growing self-confidence.

 
 
 
Copyright © 2013. Dr M H Munro Turner. All rights reserved